Start With Safety

Ever notice how quickly things can escalate in a mixed faith conversation? You go in with the best intentions, but somehow it ends in frustration, disconnection, or total shutdown.

This happens when our nervous system senses danger.

Before we can have any kind of productive or loving interaction—especially around something as personal as faith—we need to check in with our body first. Here’s a version of the Safety Sequence I love using with my clients:

1. Am I safe?​
In this moment, am I safe? Not five minutes ago or five minutes from now—right now. Am I physically safe?

2. Do I feel safe?​
Sometimes we are safe, but our nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo yet. Notice what’s coming up inside. Are you on edge? Bracing? Scan your body—do you feel any tightness or discomfort?

3. Relax your body.​
Before you say a word, take a deep breath. Soften your jaw. Unclench your fists. Drop your shoulders. Let your body lead you into calm.

Only once we feel safe can we show up with compassion, curiosity, and clarity. Safety isn’t a luxury—it’s a prerequisite for connection.

This week, before your next big conversation, try walking yourself through this sequence. It just might change everything.